Coming from a past life in another type of career entirely, I worked in a bubble of what expectations of others really wanted me to be like. What should I do for a living? What would my parents approve of? What is secure? What is it that I am good at that also allows me to provide a safe and warm home to sleep in.
I had been stuck in the same government job for 15 years respectively, and I really got tired of living my life in a box where I was meant to be put, somewhere to a place where all of your hopes and dreams get leeched right out of you.
The thought that we have to work at a job we hate for 40 years of our life is absolutely insane to me. But, when I thought of breaking the mold myself, and leaving that 'secure' job, feelings of anxiety, worthlessness and depression overwhelmed me. I couldn't take it anymore, I literally felt as if my mind and my body were being ripped at the seams. In an act of compulsivity and desperation for change, I left the job and the people that had been exacerbating this issue and life has gotten interesting again. Is it easy? Nothing good ever really comes easy, but rather comes in forms of lessons over the span of our lives.
So, here I am. Creating, living, breathing and learning everyday in hopes of becoming a better human being and being able to love myself again.